


Closing

by estriel



Series: August Break 2019 [4]
Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Angst, M/M, Memories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-04
Updated: 2019-08-04
Packaged: 2020-07-31 09:41:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 586
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20113039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/estriel/pseuds/estriel
Summary: It is a special occasion. Javi gets ready.





	Closing

**Author's Note:**

> Today's prompt for August Break was _buttons_.
> 
> It is late, and I apologize for typos and imperfections.

Javi shrugs on the crisp white shirt. It feels luxurious against his skin, a real splurge, as it should be for this special occasion.

Pensive, he looks down, at the navy-colored trousers he’s wearing, at his socked feet. Stuck in a moment between ready and not-really. It about sums up the way he’s feeling right now, too. In-between. Torn. Conflicted.

He slips the first button through its hole. He remembers another set of buttons, another crisp white shirt, and the way he laughed when Yuzu showed up to the closing banquet at his first Olympics with his shirt buttoned askew.

The second button slides in, no resistance, no hesitation. The way Yuzu would slide into Javi’s hugs, like they were the easiest and most natural thing in the world, burrowing his face in Javi’s shoulder, or neck, hiding from the world for a second. Javi was always happy to provide that shelter, that momentary respite from being Yuzuru Hanyu, a perfect icon and figurehead for their sport, and beyond.

Javi’s fingers tremble as he closes the third button, remembering how his hands trembled when he won Worlds for the first time, and even more so as he cradled Yuzu in his arms. Yuzu, who had won silver, which to Yuzu meant he _lost_. He had been so happy then, overwhelmingly so, and yet seeing Yuzu’s inconsolable tears had yanked at his heart and made him want to give up that gold. He would have done it gladly, just to make Yuzu smile.

Fourth button. That one time in Toronto, in late August. They got caught in the rain on their walk back to the subway, running like fools through the downpour, laughing as the thunder rumbled in the distance. Yuzu had been wearing a white shirt that time, too, having just given a round of interviews for his annual Media Day. Javi remembers how it clung to his chest and stomach, all wet. He remembers how his mouth suddenly felt like sand, all dry.

The fifth button he struggles with, his fingers numb, his heart heavy. He is drowning in these memories, as sharp and vivid as ever. They weigh him down, and yet he is unwilling to let them go.

Yuzu, tired after yet another press interrogation, half-disheveled when Javi came knocking at his door after it was all said and done in PyeongChang. Yuzu, finding a smile just for Javi, that special one – half happiness and, recently, half sadness. Yuzu, with his shirt already half undone, sitting down on the bed and fixing Javi with a look. _Will you stay the night?_

The sixth button. Javi nearly tears at it in exasperation when it just. won't. close! Saying goodbye, the morning after, for the third time, always, _always_ coming back for more. More of those lips, their sweetness suddenly spoiled by the knowledge that this was probably the last time. More of the scent and taste and sound of Yuzu, glowing with beauty as he came down from yet another vertiginous high. More… Never enough.

Javi blinks back the tears and leaves the seventh button undone. It is an informal wedding, after all. Just him, Marina, their family, and closest friends. Yuzu did not get the invite; it is for the best. Still, Javi misses him.

And as he toes on his shoes and steps out into the adjacent room to meet his groomsmen, Javi knows that he needs to get used to this. He will miss Yuzu for the rest of his life.

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry? :*(


End file.
